Mommy Is Mean!!!

I want to report Mommy for being mean!!! Mommy took me to the doctor today because my allergies/asthma are still bothering me. She let that mean doctor poke around at me. He tried to bribe me with "sticks" but as soon as he touched me with the stethoscope I threw the sticks at him. HA!!! Anyway, the doctor gave me my very own updraft machine. Mommy had to pin me down to give me my updraft. I fought and fought her. I think she got more of the medicine than me. The nurses giggled when the came back to the room because they could tell that I really roughed Mommy up.

After we left the doctor's office I was all excited because I thought I was going to get to go home and play with Sebastian and Rufus all day. Guess that's what I get for thinking. Mommy broke my heart when she pulled back up to the doors of the Baby Penitentiary. I think the look on my face made Mommy feel really bad. You know what? SHE SHOULD FEEL BAD!!! At least the wardens saved me a lunch...not that I ate it or anything. Can you believe that they actually tried to feed me Green Eggs and Ham??? I ate the apple sauce even though it was green too. In case you haven't figured it out, it is green week at the Baby Penitentiary. I also got a nice new bruise on my forehead this afternoon. The Wardens told Mommy how I fell and hurt my head. Mommy said that she was going to make Daddy think that I got the bruise when I fell and hit my head when he was watching me last night. Daddy didn't think it was very funny that Mommy told him that!!!

Anyway, Daddy and Mommy both had to give me my updraft tonight. Mommy was really happy that it went much better than it did earlier today. I think Mommy just felt there was safety in numbers because even Sebastian was sitting there making sure I acted right. To be honest with you, I just went easy on Mommy because I roughed her up a little too much at the doctor's office.

Well that is all for now!

No Horsing Around!!

Well it's update time. This past Saturday, Mommy, Daddy and I went shopping and I got to pick out my very own shoes. Good thing Mommy was paying attention to me. I didn't like the shoes she was looking at for me until she picked up a pair of Nike hi-tops. Mommy saw me bouncing up and down smiling, so she knew those were the ones for me!! Now all I have to do is try to keep them on my feet!!

Sunday morning I went to I-Hop with Grandpa Len and Granny Bev. They were most impressed that I was sitting in a highchair like a big boy! They were more impressed that I ate toast, pancakes and sausage like a big boy. I even drank orange juice. Grandpa Len and Granny Bev made a super big donation to my piggy bank!! Thanks Grandpa Len and Granny Bev!!!!! Guess what else?? I got to see my birth parents and brothers and sister Sunday night! It sure was nice seeing all of them. I even got to meet a horse!! That's right, a horse!! Mommy has a picture of me petting the horse and will post it when she has a little more time. I ate some sauerkraut, a bratworst and drank some sweet tea from a glass Sunday night! This big boy food is really something!!!

It was back to the Penitentiary on Monday. I have to report that I got into trouble. The Warden ratted me out for biting another inmate. Mommy said it wasn't very nice of me. Daddy hopes I bite the little brat that scratched my beautiful face. Anyhow, Mommy told me that we have to practice saying "I refuse to be interviewed without my attorney." Mommy is my attorney so she has every reason in the world to make sure that I can do the crime without doing time. However, Mommy told me I needed to keep my teeth to myself because someone could try to sue me for the contents of my piggy bank. I suppose she is right. While I am sure that Mommy could get me out of being sued, I don't think it would be worth the headache of having to deal with it!

Well that is all for now.

My First Field Trip!!!

I took my very first field trip without Mommy and Daddy!! Since I had to quit my job, Mommy said that I could go to the zoo with Aunt Kay and Uncle Carl yesterday. I had a blast!!! Daddy didn't get to go. He was very sad when Aunt Kay, Uncle Carl and me drove off. Daddy knew he was missing something because we all drove off in his car smiling from ear to ear!!! Anyway, I saw some monkeys, birds and some other critters. I am not quite old enough for the zoo but I had fun anyway!

Uncle Lenny finally made good on my post-surgery present! I have my very own baby cell phone! Thanks Aunt Patty and Uncle Lenny!! I will make sure to call you on my phone!

Anyhow, Mommy decided to change tactics on my food. I get to eat big boy food now and I just love it!!! I had frito chili pie minus the fritos and peas! Yesterday I got chicken spaghetti at school! I just love big boy food.

Well that is all for now!!!

I Quit!!!

I went to work with Daddy Thursday but I had to quit my job because Mommy said so. Daddy made the mistake of telling her that there is a madman who has been calling threatening my employees (yeah, that's right they are MINE)! Mommy says that I have to stay in the Baby Penitentiary until such time as she feels that I can work again. I wonder if I qualify for unemployment.

I have been plotting to get thrown out of the Baby Penitentiary for bad behavior. When Mommy picked me up Thursday afternoon she seen me shaking a four month old baby really really hard in the Jumperoo. That baby was such a baby, crying and all that!! I was grinning from ear to ear. Mommy told me to wipe the smile off my face because that wasn't very nice. Mommy may not have thought that it was fun but I sure did!

Anyhow, Mommy and Daddy have both noticed that I babble almost non-stop now that I have special ears. I use to babble a whole lot but I just don't seem to be able to stop babbling now. Saturday I got to have dinner with my Great Aunt Jane, Great Uncle Don, and my cousins Debbie and Cole. I absolutely loved Cole! He is five but he wasn't so big that he couldn't play with me! He let me chase him all around the house. I had an absolute blast!! I hope I get to play with Cole again sometime soon. Grandpa Jim and Grandma Dale were suppose to come but Grandpa got sick again, so they had to stay home.

Mommy has decided that I really need to be a big boy so she is stepping up her game on the "big boy food" again. She is making some progress. Why can't she just understand that I don't want anything but a nice juicy steak and potato??? Mommy, Daddy and I went to Home Depot today to look at new carpet. Mommy let me help pick it out. I got to give it the old touch test and I think I am going to like it a lot. Our carpet is fine but Mommy seems to think a tighter weave will help all of our allergies! This evening Daddy and I went back to Home Depot because Mommy wouldn't let us look at any power tools or wood while we were there earlier today. Go figure!

Seems Uncle Fester is dead beating me. He supposedly has a present for me but I have yet to see it!! I WANT MY PRESENT!!! Well that is all for now. Oh yeah, speaking of presents....Happy Birthday Joe!!

Totally Tubular!!!

Mr. Caterpillar, Dr. Monkey and Harley Bear!!!

I had my first (and hopefully last) surgery today! Mommy and Daddy were worried but I wasn't because I knew everything would work out for the best. Harley Bear even went with me to the surgery center. He assured me that everything would be okay. Since he is my oldest friend I knew I could believe everything he told me. My friend Sean from the Baby penitentiary also had tubes put in his ears this morning. His surgery was right before mine. Mommy and Daddy really worried about how I might act because when Sean came out with his Mommy he was screaming and jerking and carrying on. I only fussed a little when Doogie Houser M.D. and the Nurse took me away from Mommy and Daddy. I was a little fussy when Mommy and Daddy were brought back to me. Mommy gave me my bottle and I perked right up. I was my happy go lucky self once again!!! When we went to leave, Sean and his Mommy were still outside and he was still extremely upset. We tried to cheer him up but he didn't want any part of that. Daddy even offered to loan Harley Bear to him but Sean wasn't interested because Harley Bear isn't his best friend, he's mine.

Guess what, when we got in the car Dr. Monkey was waiting for me. Mommy told me Dr. Monkey was going home with us so that he can always look after me to make sure I am always feeling my best! Daddy surprised me with Mr. Caterpillar. He is a rocker and I am not quite ready for it yet, but one day soon I will be. Of course my brothers, Sebastian and Rufus, checked me over when I got home to make sure that I was okay. I tackled Sebastian and tried to tackle Rufus, so they are pretty confident that I am okay! Aunt Patty and Uncle Lenny called to check on me. They have a present for me!! I can't wait to see what it is!!!

Uncle Carl and Aunt Kay came to see me! I got a great book from them! I even got to play with Aunt Kay's new puppy! I couldn't help myself, I had to hold him and make him yelp!!! I am spending the rest of the day with Mommy and Daddy. We are just going to relax!

Well that is all for now!!

What A Weekend!!!

It's official, I am spoiled!!! Mommy bought me toys all weekend long!! It seems like everywhere we went I got a new toy!! I got some new outfits too but I can't seem to get too excited about clothes. I would be perfectly content running around in a diaper!

Anyway, we had Auntie Norma over for dinner friday night because Uncle Jerry left her all alone! Can you believe it, she brought me a new dinosaur!! Thank you Auntie Norma, I love getting presents!!!!

Saturday, Daddy and I did our usual doughnut run! One day Daddy will be able to tell that silly lady at the counter that I love doughnuts but she doesn't seem to understand that I am not quite ready to stuff my face with doughnuts. Mommy and I went shopping Saturday afternoon and bought ME stuff!! I was a good boy this time because I remembered what happened the last time I was a little cranky pants when we were shopping. After we went shopping we went to see Uncle Lenny, Aunt Patty, Ryan and Jessica! I got to play with Uncle Lenny's remote control but he got mad when I put it in my mouth! What did he expect me to do??? Uncle Lenny downloaded some of his knowledge to me. Turns out that I just sat there and drooled after the download that Uncle Lenny thought it would be better if he downloaded some of my brains into him. Mommy says that he isn't a genius like me but even a little more sense for Uncle Lenny would be a vast improvement!!

I got to hang out with Daddy on Sunday and we watched football. Mommy was out running a secret mission. Daddy says it has something to do with a present for me for my big day Wednesday. It better be good!!! Anyway, Uncle Lenny, Aunt Patty and Jessica came to see me today! We were going to go swimming but after seeing Uncle Lenny's new swim trunks I didn't want to go swimming. His swim trunks were absolutely wretched!!! Also, Daddy thought the water might be a little too cold for my liking. He actually dunked my legs. You know what? Daddy was right, it was too cold for me!!! I guess my swimming days are over for the season, well unless we go to Grandpa Jim and Grandma Dale's house because their pool is heated.

Well that is all for now. Joey, I need you!!!

I Am Taking Names!!!

Uncle Carl and Aunt Kay came over and we went swimming!! I had a blast swimming with Uncle Carl. He wasn't allowed to get my head wet so we made Daddy get all wet entertaining me!! I also got to see my Aunt Patty and Jessica this weekend. I sure love my Aunts and Uncle. My Uncle Fester didn't come see me. That's okay though, I don't have the time for him either!! He just better make sure that he brings me a present. Since he is on vacation all week he will have plenty of time for SHOPPING!!

Anyway, I was sick this weekend. My nose was running like there was no tomorrow!!! I think Mommy got a quart of nose material out of my head this weekend. Mommy had to stay home with me all day today because I started coughing yesterday like she has been for the longest time. Mommy is on my "mean list" because she made me go see my pediatrician today. The doctor said this is what happens when he doesn't give me antibiotics from the start. I knew what he meant by that so I gave him "the look." I was right because the evil nurse came in and gave me one of those power shots!! Can you believe that Mommy actually held me down while she stuck that HUGE needle in me??? All three of them are on my mean list and when I am bigger I am going to seek revenge (well, maybe not against Mommy)!

This afternoon Mommy, Daddy and I went to the otolaryngologist! I actually liked the guy even though he recommended that I go under the knife. Mommy referred to him as Doogie Houser M.D. He says that the tubes should really help me! We are keeping our fingers crossed because being sick is no fun!! Can you believe that he actually said that I can get my tubes in tomorrow??? Mommy said no way!! We are going to wait until next Wednesday to get my tubes put in. That way Mommy has plenty of time to prepare herself for the fact that I am going to have an operation and to accept the fact that she cannot feed me after midnight the night before (that is going to be very very hard for her)! Anyways, Mommy says that she is pretty sure that the "operation fairy" is going to come and leave me presents! Daddy asked Aunt Kay if I would get sick pay for not being able to work next Wednesday? Can you believe that they are planning on making me work a different day to make up for my wages. I think I will use the next week to learn to hold my ear and act like it hurts so I can torment Aunt Kay all day!!

Well that is all for now....Where's Joey???

Sippy Cup Thief!!

Mommy has figured out why I got scratched by another inmate. Yesterday when she came to pick me up she caught me taking a kid's sippy cup away from him so I could drink his juice. It was too funny!! I don't even like juice or sippy cups!!! HA!! Mommy says that since I am a little thug that it really is important for Daddy to teach me hapkido so I can defend myself if some wiseguy tries to defend himself!