That Punk Attacked Me!!!

Guess what??? Some little punk attacked me at school!!! When Mommy picked me up today she saw that I had a Ouch Report waiting for her. The note said that I was bitten by some little punk (my words not the wardens). The Warden couldn't tell Mommy who bit me so I did the only thing that was acceptable...I ratted that little punk out for biting me. I think I had to push Mommy's eyes back into their sockets when she realized the little punk who bit me was the same punk who got kicked out of the penitentiary one year ago to be exact for the very same offense. He bit me and everyone else last year and had to go to a different penitentiary but they let him back into mine a little while ago. Mommy had a few words with the Assistant Warden about me being maliciously attacked by a known predator. I am the second boy he bit since he has been back. Daddy and Mommy are contemplating sending me to a new school (I wonder if they have room at Carter's new school) so that I won't get bit by Jaws anymore. Just so everyone knows, Mommy and Daddy are realists---they realize I am going to get bitten every now and then but they shouldn't be being handed out by the same offender, especially one that was kicked to the curb before for the same offense. How many other innocent victims will he attack??? For all of those who know my true ways----the Warden assured Mommy that the attack was unprovoked!!!

Mommy says that if someone bites me again I am allowed to "smash" them. I assured Mommy though that I don't smash people, cars or trains because it is not nice. That made Mommy happy to know that I truly am a good boy who doesn't think it is nice to "smash" other kids regardless of the reason. Mommy's smile didn't last long when she realized that eventually her sweet angel baby boy will eventually adopt a different opinion about smashing bullies!! However, I think she will enjoy me being a perfect angel while I am one. Now that I think of it, could she ever possibly think of me any other way???

Since I was being a stool pigeon today, I decided to rat Daddy out for refusing to buy me donuts this morning. I told Mommy that Daddy was mean and that we should call the po-lice for denying me donuts!! Funny how I thought of the po-lice in my conversation with Mommy about donuts!!! Anyway, I don't think Mommy thought the deprivation of donuts wasn't a serious enough of an offense to warrant involving the po-lice. This time at least!!!

Well that is all for now. Oh wait, no it is not!!! I have to give a shout out to My Jessica! She graduated from high school today (even if it was Bryant) with an honors tassel. She sure is setting a good example for me! Way to go Jessica!!!

Meet Me In Saint Louis!!! Again!!!

Let's Get this Vacation Started!!!

I Can Fly!!!

I Can Drive FAST!!!

What A Way To End A Vacation!!!

(Dude--Send Presents!!!)

Mommy and Daddy took me to one of my favoritest places in the world this past weekend---St. Louis!! I was so excited about getting to go to St. Louis. I was talking about going to St. Louis all week at school. Finally Thursday came and off we went!! I am happy to report that Daddy got us to St. Louis safe and sound despite the fact that we think his Navigation lady had one too many fermented grape juice boxes if you catch my drift! We finally told her to shut it because she was way crazy! Mommy always wonders why they have female navigation people because she really doesn't think most people wouldn't take directions from a lady. I am not sure what Mommy meant by that because I know that Mommy can get anywhere!! Daddy is a believer too because he doubted her directions and Mommy had to scold him by saying "After a billion years of being married, you still don't trust my giving directions solely by the position of the sun, stars, moon, etc.???" Mommy then told Daddy that he couldn't find the St. Louis Arch if he were standing under it!!

Anyway, Daddy hooked us up with a really nice hotel right down town by the Arch and the ball park. There was all kinds of activities going on that I got to monitor. Daddy tried to get me to go on a carriage ride ("horse choo-choo") but I didn't want to have any part of that. I don't trust them horse choo-choos!!! This one horse and me had a thing for each other though. Mommy doesn't think it was as friendly as I remember it to be because when I first saw the horse it peed rivers of pee right there in the street. It cracked Mommy and me up. A little while later, we saw the very same horse on the very same corner. The carriage driver asked Mommy if I was traumatized from the last time. Mommy said "No" but just as she said it, the horse let out a giant poop right there in the street. Mommy, me and the carriage driver thought it was hysterical! His passengers didn't see the humor in it until he told them that the horse does his business every time he sees me. Mommy and I later saw the same horse at the hotel across the street, so I yelled "No pee or poop horsey!!!" Guess what, he didn't pee or poop that time. I was so proud of myself but Mommy thinks the horse didn't recognize me because I wasn't on the "potty corner."

We went to the Zoo on Friday and Saturday! I rode that choo choo everywhere. I finally relented and got off the train to look at some animals. I really like those penguins but those things sure can generate a stink!!! Mommy and Daddy also took me to a little carnival where I got to ride all kinds of rides. I threw a fit at the fair though because the roller coaster was broke! Fortunately, they fixed it before we left and and I got to ride it. I LOVE ROLLER COASTERS!!! They go fast!!!!

I ended up running a fever Saturday night. I woke up in the morning crying because my tummy hurt really really bad. I cried for hours because my tummy hurt. Mommy and Daddy took me to a "Doc in a Box" so I could get checked out before we drove home. The doctor told me that based on my symptoms and the pain in my tummy that I had to go to the emergency room. We sat for hours in the emergency room at the Children's Hospital. I don't know why they are rated number 5 in the country. It was an absolutely horrible experience! Can you believe that the poked me with needles??? Mommy assured the nurses that I would put up a huge fight. It took Daddy, two nurses and another nurse to fight me to get the IV in my arm all of this while I was wrapped up like a burrito. Next time they won't look at Mommy with that look like "We can handle it, we are professionals." I don't think the nurses were very happy with me!!! The fight wouldn't have gone on so long if they wouldn't have messed up my other arm to begin with. Okay, well maybe it would have! They took all kinds of blood from me and pumped liquids into me. They kept telling me I had to potty in a cup. I kept saying "No." The nurses told Mommy and Daddy that they needed me to pee or they would have to put a catheter in me. Mommy gave them a "whatever" look. Mommy told me I had to potty in the cup or they were going to be really mean to me. So I struck a deal with the devil. I asked the nurse if I could go home if I pottied in the cup. She said yes, so off I went to potty in the cup. Mommy told me afterwards that she wouldn't have let them mess with my willy despite their desire to get a urine sample. Mommy did add that if I was howling in pain, she would let them do it to get to the bottom of my troubles. The nurses got real sweet with me. Daddy noticed how nice they were being to us, Mommy insists its because they messed up somehow and they are afraid we will figure it out. Anyway, the doctor gave me the all clear and let me go home. They didn't figure out what was causing my tummy problems but all the major concerns were covered. I was more than happy to run out of there. I just wanted to go home so I could take a nap!

I did point out to Mommy that I needed to go to the Toys Store to get that Big Wow Wow Super Choo-Choo that I have been begging for for months. Mommy said since my day was so horrible and I went through so much, that we could get the choo-choo. I told her to go right then but she said the toy store was closed. I told her that the toy store was not closed. Mommy assured me that if we passed an open Toys 'R Us on a Sunday night anywhere between St. Louis and home we would stop. Guess what? There weren't any open Toys 'R Us'.

The topic hasn't come up yet but Daddy lost my blue blankey somewhere between Sikeston, Missouri and Osceola, Arkansas. Mommy keeps waiting for me to inquire about my blankey so she can let me know that Daddy lost my blankey!!! When I find out my blue blankey is still on vacation, I am going to make Daddy go get it!!! Daddy pointed out to Mommy that she left my precious "baba" at the hotel in St. Louis. Mommy replied that I didn't need it anyway. Is she crazy?? I need my precious baba just as much as I need my blue blankey. They are both going to be in BIG BIG trouble when I figure out what they did!

Well we got home safely, thanks Daddy!! I had to stay home from the Baby Penitentiary today because I still had a fever. Daddy took me to his office so I could see Aunt Kay and Uncle Carl and to get Bella. Bella stayed with Uncle Carl again. He is super nice for taking care of My Bella while I was out of town. It turns out that Bella was very bad at Uncle Carl's house. I am sorry that Bella was bad at Uncle Carl's. I hope Uncle Carl doesn't think that it was my fault that Bella was bad. I am sorry for the both of us! Mommy picked me up from the office so she could take care of me this afternoon. I reminded her that we needed to get the Big Wow Wow Choo-Choo. Guess what?? She let us stop at the toy store to get it! It almost makes up for a bad ending to my vacation!!! Okay, so maybe it makes up for it completely!!

Those crazy doctors called the house this afternoon. What did they do, sit up all night trying to come up with illnesses for me? They finally decided that since they couldn't find anything wrong with me yesterday that they could try to say that maybe that there is a one in a million chance that the tick bite I had could have caused my issues. What ever!! Let's see if they call tomorrow with a new theory!

By and large, I think Daddy and Mommy produced a wonderful weekend of fun for me! Well that is all for now!

Date Night!!!

I took Mommy out on a very special date last night!! Just me and Mommy--no Daddy allowed!! When I got home from the Baby Penitentiary I gave Mommy the flowers I made her. She loved them!!!

We then got in the car so I could take her on our date. We went to Playtime Pizza!!! It was an absolute blast!!! I got to play all kinds of games, ride the bumper cars And go bowling!!! Mommy finally made me leave. To cap off our date we went to the toy store and got a big new train and a new diego game for the Wii! This was the best date ever!!

Well that is all for now! Happy Mother's Day to all the Mommies everywhere!!!!

TKO!!!

Mommy hooked up my Baby Wii for me last week. I really missed playing my Baby Wii games. Fortunately for me, Mommy decided that she could no longer tolerate the graphics on my Baby Wii so she got me a Big Boy Wii!!! I even got to pick out my own game. I can't play all of the games on the game I picked but there are several that I can do all by myself and Mommy sets it up so it just cycles through the games I can play. My favoritest game though is boxing---I LOVE TO FIGHT!!!! Mommy made a Mii that looks just like me. I like to "SMASH" the other players. I knocked out three guys in a row!! I even made Mommy fight me but I think she let me win because she didn't like the idea of hitting my Wii Mii!! I keep asking to "fight" but Mommy is not letting me play on demand. If you ask me, she is trying to get me hooked on the Wii so she can take it away from me when I am naughty, which is why I like to "SMASH" Mommy. I even got a race car game with a steering wheel but I mainly just like to go in reverse and crash into things. My driving annoys Mommy and she is convinced that Daddy taught me to drive!!

I am pleased to report that Daddy hurt himself playing the Wii!! We will have to find less strenuous games for Daddy!

Bella is getting HUGE!!! She is already 27 inches tall at the withers and weighs 74 lbs. She is a giant and is just about as tall as I am. Guess what though??? Bella just adores me and she is super gentle with me!! She knows I am the BOSS!!! We are going to be the best of friends!

Well that is all for now. Oh yeah, Dude come visit me so I can SMASH you!!!

Man of the House!!!

Daddy deserted us---well kind of! Daddy had to leave Thursday night because Grandma Dale had a big big boo-boo and needed to have surgery Friday morning. So Daddy did what any good son would do, ditched his wife, kid and dog and ran off to take care of Mommy! (I really don't mean to sound sarcastic---I really do understand the importance of taking care of Mommies) Since Daddy was gone, it was my responsibility to keep Mommy safe. One executive decision I made was to ship Bella off to Uncle Carl's house...well, maybe it was Daddy and Mommy's idea. Daddy was worried that having Bella and me would definitely put Mommy in an early grave--her allergies have her hacking like there is no tomorrow. Plus, Mommy has been having to work late and she wouldn't be able to pick Bella up from the doggy penitentiary before it closes, which would leave Bella in the slammer through the weekend.

Anyway, I did a real good job off taking care of Mommy and Sebastian and Rufus helped too. For my part, I hogged the whole bed Thursday night. Sebastian and Rufus both growled at something outside the window for a very long time---Mommy never did figure out what it was. I kept sleeping because I figured Sebastian and Rufus had it under control. Mommy took me to the Baby Penitentiary Friday morning---something she hasn't done in a very long time. All the prison guards were surprised to see Mommy since she has not taken me to school in FOREVER!! Anyway, Mommy got me a breakfast from Burger King to soften our parting at the Baby Penitentiary---apparently she still has vivid memories of the morning guilt trips I used to put on her. Mommy had forgotten what an ordeal it is to get me out the door and safely deposited in the Baby Penitentiary and is extremely grateful that Daddy has taken over this duty and even more grateful that despite all of my antics, he continues to maintain this duty!

Mommy and I had some Friday night fun. We even called Daddy over the computer so I could see his face! Guess who else's face I got to see??? I got to see Grandma, who was up and moving around, and Aunt Teri!! I talked to Daddy and Grandma over the computer but I was being rude and did not talk to Aunt Teri.

Saturday I escorted Mommy to Grandma's house so I could see in person that she was okay! Sure enough, Aunt Teri and Daddy did a good job taking care of Grandma and she seemed to be in good spirits. I think Mommy was worried that I was going to be a dufus and bump Grandma's shoulder. I may be three but I can tell when someone has a big big boo-boo. To make up for my rudeness, I was very chatty with Aunt Teri. Mommy and I stayed a few hours and then we drove back home so I could resume "Man of the House" duties.

I got to see Jessica today. I think she got done with her job a lot quicker than normal...maybe it had something to do with me not being under foot the whole time. Anyway, Daddy came home this afternoon and we are spending some quality time together. Bella will be home tomorrow and I can't wait!!!

Well that is all for now! Oh wait, no it is not...My BFF Carter is getting placed in a different Baby Penitentiary. I want to go to a new school with Carter but Mommy won't let me. Someone needs to tell Mommy that I have to go to a new school with Carter because he is my BFF. I realize I have my BFF Jeter but he ain't Carter!!

Little Mr. Smarty Pants!!!

I have some extremely important news. I have been refusing to "poop" on the potty. So Mommy upped the ante and purchased a big boy choo-choo set, showed it to me, let me drool over it and then she put it away. After weeks of pleading, kicking and screaming I finally did what I was suppose to do and I received my big boy choo-choo!!! The best part is that it was entirely of my own volition! Yay me!

The euphoria over my accomplishment quickly ended the next day when I went back to my standard refusal. When Daddy fussed at me, I said to him rather smartly, "I already got my choo-choo!" Daddy told Mommy what I did and said and she asked Daddy if he took back the choo-choo! It occurred to Daddy that he didn't think about doing that. There in lies the problem--Mommy always has to meddle and plant ideas in Daddy's head as to ways to get even with me or to get the upper hand. I don't see anything wrong with me and Daddy's current emotional and intellectual IQ---me being happy and outsmarting my super smart Daddy but Mommy has to go and think up ways to lower my position. Mommy just needs to leave us boys alone!!!

In any event, I got to go to work Thursday rather than the Baby Penitentiary. Aunt Kay and Uncle Carl came up with a super great Easter Egg hunt for me. I got a zillion eggs with treats in them! I have the best godparents a boy could ever have!

I am becoming quite the conscientious "Mama's Boy." The other night, Daddy accidentally stepped on Mommy's hand causing her to yell (no everyone---not at Daddy, she knew it was an accident)! I started to cry hysterically and yell at Daddy for hurting Mommy's hand. Mommy and Daddy tried to explain it was an accident and that everything was okay. I would not stop having a fit until Daddy admitted that he did it on purpose, kiss Mommy's hand, say sorry and give Mommy a hug. I am always having to fuss at Daddy when he and Mommy are joking around and I perceive that Daddy isn't treating Mommy the way I think she should be treated. Doesn't Daddy get it, no one can hit my Mommy but me!!! (Just kidding---well mostly)

Well that is all for now. I hope the Easter Bunny brings every one a bunch of eggs. Hoppy Easter!!!

Oopsie Daisy!!!

Tonight I made the biggest mistake a three year old can make---I actually responded to Mommy's directive by saying "Whatever!!" I was bright enough to realize my mistake and promptly stated "Oopsie Daisy!" You know that Mommy didn't think my banter was nearly as funny as Daddy did. I am very grateful that Daddy's antics deflected the attention from me and my shenanigans. I might think twice about responding "whatever" to Mommy ever again. Something tells me my luck will be a lot better throwing it out at Daddy than Mommy. Oh well, a boy has to test his boundaries!!!